Becoming Me
The very first memory I have a
child is crawling on the Detroit Tigers old baseball stadium. I guess you could
say from the start I was destined to play sports, and that I did. As soon as
I could I begged and begged my parents to let me join a sports team…at least
soccer! Well, they finally did and without even knowing it, we were shaping who
I was going to become and identify with as a person for the rest of my life.
If you would ask anyone that knew
me growing up as a child, I guarantee they would describe as one thing: competitive.
I was never going to let anyone beat me at anything, especially sports. My
father was a very blue-collared hard working type of man that always pushed me
to be the best I could be – sometimes even probably further than he should. He
definitely pounded in the fact that hard work will make a man successful. He
instilled a fire in me though, a fire to be the best. Like I said before I
started playing the only sport that was even offered for children my age which
was soccer. I was immediately the best. Not to mention I was one of the bigger,
faster, and stronger kids for my age. It was more than that for me though. Even
though I loved competing and winning, sports also gave me a way to meet new
friends who had the same interests as me. I have always been very quiet, not
that I am awkward shy, but I just don’t really like to talk that much and I
think some people take that as arrogance. Being a part of a team let me show
who I really was, and people got to know me through games, practices, or post-event
parties. From soccer it went to playing golf; from golf it went to football;
from football it went to baseball, and from basketball it went to baseball. I
wanted to join every team I possibly could. Being a part of these team made me
feel home. I made so many so many friends just for being a part of the team.
Every team I belonged to, I immediately had about thirty friends I could turn
to help or for fun outside of practice and games. Playing sports shaped me. It
determined the clothes I wore, the friends I hung out with, and the people
influence my life on a daily basis.
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| Best friend from soccer 5 yrs. old |
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| 5 yr.s old soccer |
I entered high school with only one
thing in mind: getting a college scholarship. Of course, sports were my main
focus once again. I decided to concentrate on solely on football, basketball,
and baseball. Since baseball was my favorite, I was aiming to go to college on
a college scholarship. “Athletic identity is the degree to which an individual
identifies with the athlete role and looks to others for acknowledgement of
that role” (believeperform.com). Athletics was definitely my identity and that
is definitely how people perceived me. My senior class voted me “most athletic”
in the end of the yearbook. It was almost like my calling, and playing sports
was what I was supposed to do. I started playing varsity sports as a freshman
at a very big high school, so my name and picture was always all over the local
newspaper. I was almost a celebrity at my own high school. With all this attention
started shaping my own identity. I was white, tall, muscular (because of
sports), and for the most part I got a lot of pretty girls. Not only did sports
give me an avenue for activity, but every one of my friends that I hung out with
outside of class or practice was a teammate. I guess you could say my ego was a
bit over-inflated. This was just my life. Sports were everything. If I was good
at sports, then everything would fall into place. I could go to college, and hopefully
one day make a lot of money.
Moving on to college was really not
much different. I earned a scholarship to play division one baseball in North
Carolina. Although I was nervous about going to school where I knew not one
single person, but I did know there was automatically going to 40 teammates I
was joining that would automatically become close friends. Being an athlete and
part of a team is very comforting. No matter what team you are going or where
you are traveling, your team will always be friends and have your back. There
is really no other option but to become friends with your teammates. When I
moved to North Carolina, I did not know one single person. When I first arrived
to my dorm room on day one I noticed my room was covered in baseball
decorations and was much bigger than the other non-athlete rooms. There must of
been 5 or 6 decorated just like my room. My nervousness didn’t last long as our
first team meeting was assembled shortly after I arrived and I realized I had
immediately made 40 new friends on our team. Not only did I make the friends on
my team, but every athlete playing all different were required to congregate
once a month. Being an athlete is not just playing games. It’s a culture, a
lifestyle, and for me, it held me together. Sports introduced me to friends,
activities I enjoy and most importantly kept me out of trouble. Without sports
or baseball I had no idea who I really was.
That would shortly change after
three successful years playing baseball in North Carolina. I had suffered
through a few surgeries in my first couple years, but nothing major that I couldn’t
come back and play again. In my first week of my Junior season I ended breaking
my elbow in a game vs. Duke University and I knew right then and there my
playing career was going to be over. Well, I was right and I never ended up
playing another game in college again. Of course I had season ending surgery,
and my optimism of playing again was diminishing by the second. I tried weeks,
months and even years of physical therapy to get my elbow back in shape but it
was just was not happening. Would I have to quit baseball? What do I do now?
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| College Baseball |
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| College Baseball Friends |
I returned home to Columbus, Ohio embarrassed
and ashamed that my superstar career didn’t work out. It is quite difficult giving up on your sports dreams and returning. This link will provide much information on life for athletes after their career has ended. "Questions and confusions
filled my head daily. The surgery ended my baseball career, so there was no
real reason to stick around in North Carolina if I wasn’t playing sports so I
moved home. I faced weeks and months of depression. I asked myself millions of
questions about things I could of differently? What would I do now? What do I want
to do now? Really, who am I? I didn’t really know anything about me besides
sports. Ever since I can remember my whole life has been playing sports and
going to school. Now that was gone. I was 23 and hadn’t finished college yet,
nor did I have any idea what I wanted out of life or wanted to do. Fortunately,
I had some old friends that needed a roommate down at Ohio University. After
months of sitting at my parent’s house, I jumped at the opportunity to get out
of the house and finish my education. I was also scared to death. This would be
the first time in my life I have gone somewhere without any friends or
belonging to a particular sports team.
At first, my experience at OU was a
little rough. In past situations and places I didn’t have to stick out or put
myself out there because I was so visible through sports team. Ohio University
was much different. If I wanted to make friends, that is exactly what I had to
do: make them! I couldn’t be the silent guy standing in the back with a
baseball t-shirt that people know who I am just because of my clothes. I had to
learn to speak up. I have learned that not all the friends I am going to make are
going to be a part of my “sports” teams. Everyone will be different, and just
because we are not on the same sports teams doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. There are great people everywhere! Going
to school at Ohio University has taught me many things, but the most important
I feel is just to be yourself and live in the moment.
It was a very huge learning experience
coming to OU. Thinking about it: everything in my life had changed: where I lived,
the way I dressed, the way I talked, my friends, sports, schools. You know name
it, and it changed after my athletic life. I wouldn’t change my life in
athletics for a single thing. I think I learned many valuable lessons by
playing sports like working hard, honesty and loyalty. Playing sports while I was
young, in middle school, high school and college really shaped my identity and
who I was as a person. Now I needed to be open to all people and open myself up
as well. As of now I am enjoying living my life sport-free and meeting new
people every day, but I don’t want to downplay the significance of being involved
in a group. Becoming involved in a group can be very helpful for some people just
like it helped me in sports teams. Personally, I think it was beneficial to
quit the athletic experience and open myself up to meeting new people. I've learned to just be myself, and even though I am not belonging to a sports team, my identity will be evolving as long as I live. Overall, finding your true identity can be a tough and depressing experience for many people, but having an open mind and the willingness to open up to new people, anyone will be just fine.
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| Friends at OU |
Citations:
1. "BelievePerform." BelievePerform. Web. 29 Apr. 2015. <http://believeperform.com/performance/athletic-identity/>.
2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS7E3lJZMlA
3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5HOuCsCq3Q ***MOST INFO
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