Final- My Best Friend

Emily Matacia

My Best Friend

 

            What made me who I am today? That’s a really good question. The real question to ask is, “Who made me who I am today?” To be honest, there are many influential people in my life. Out of all these people who have influenced me I can honestly say that my Mom is the most important person in my life. I know it is cheesy to say but my Mom has truly made me who I am today. Without her I do not know where I would be. My Mom has helped me in many ways. She has helped me accept who I am, become more confident, and learn to be the best person I can be.

            Growing up was not always the easiest thing for me. My biological parents were never married. Most people would say that I am an “accident” child. Although I only remember bits and pieces of my childhood what I remember my parents fighting constantly. Growing up my parents always fought with each other. I remember being in my room hearing my parents fighting. Most of their fights were about me. They would argue about which weekends, holidays, etc. that they would have me.  Basically, they could never agree with one another. Arguments would get so bad sometimes that the cops would have to come to our house and make sure everything was okay.  Since I was only 5-6 at the time I really did not understand what was going on. All I remember is hearing fighting and being sad that my parents could not get along.

            After many court dates and counseling sessions, my parents finally made an agreement; they would switch who got me every other weekend & on the holidays of the odd years my Dad would get me and the even years I would be with my Mom. This arrangement was in place until I was eighteen years old.

            Growing up in a single parent household was very difficult. The weekends my Dad got me I would stay at his apartment in Northern Kentucky. The weekends my Mom got me I would stay with her at her house in Cincinnati. Although the process was very complicated, in the end everything worked out.

            The first way that my Mom has influenced me is that she has helped me accept who I am. Throughout my life I have experienced and overcame many different obstacles. One obstacle in particular that I experienced was bullying. In high school I attended an all-girls private school. There were many advantages & disadvantages of attending a private school. One of the advantages was that I could always count on getting the best education possible. One of the disadvantages of private all girls’ schools is that there are a lot of cliques. If you do not fit into one of these cliques you will instantly know. In high-school I had a solid group of six girls that I considered my best friends. We were all very close until junior year. All of a sudden junior year these girls stopped inviting me places. It got so bad that I would come home crying every day after school. One day I was called a “bitch” because I asked them why I was not invited somewhere. It got to the point where in the middle of my junior year I decided that I did not want to remember high school as a bad time in my life. I wanted to remember high school as a happy experience.That’s when I decided to transfer schools. After I transferred schools I made a lot of loyal & trustworthy friends. Some of my friends from high school are still my friends today.

            My Mom helped me throughout this entire process because she was there when I was crying and upset. She was always there to tell me that I was a wonderful person and deserved better friends than the ones I had. Whenever I was crying my Mom was there to give me a hug. I know this is cheesy to say but sometimes when you are hurt or feeling bad all you need are your parents. My mom was there to support my decision to transfer schools. She made me realize that your friends do not define who you are. You define who you are.

            Another way that my Mom has been a big influence in my life is that she has helped me gain confidence in myself. My Mom is my role model. My Mom is a nurse and worked at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital in the Operating Room for eighteen years. Since I am in nursing school it helps to be able to have someone to talk to about all my classes, tests, etc. I know most people do not like to talk to their parents about their grades but I feel like I am obligated to talk to my Mom about my grades. She is my ultimate cheerleader. If there are times when I want to give up she tells me that nothing worthwhile comes easy. You have to put one-hundred percent into everything you do. Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of times when I call my Mom to cry about tests that were so hard. Although I am upset, my Mom still finds just the right words to cheer me up. I believe that everyone needs one person to support them throughout their college career. For me that person is my Mom. My Mom is my coach, cheerleader, and mentor.

            My Mom has played a key role in shaping who I am. All throughout my childhood I was used to growing up with just one parent. Although this was difficult I am very fortunate to call my Mom one of my best friends. Without her I do not know where I would be today. She is my role model. I look up to my Mom because she is a strong, independent, caring, loving, and thoughtful woman. As stated in Winnie the Pooh, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

Why do Single-Parent Families Put Children at Risk?     This article talks about how single-parent families can put children at risk. There are different factors in single-parent families that can put children at risk. These factors are economic hardships, quality of parenting, exposure to stress, and the “Selection” perspective. It is said that most children who live with single parents will be disadvantaged economically. It is thought that these children will be disadvantaged because only one parent is paying for everything. Personally, I have never been financially disadvantaged. There have been times where my Mom could not afford some things but it has not ever gotten to the point where I could never buy books, etc. This article states that many single parents find it difficult to function effectively as parents. My Mom did not have trouble functioning as a parent. My Mom has had her ups & downs but in the end everything works out. This article says that children living with single parents are exposed to more stressful situations. I completely agree with this statement. I know when I was younger it was stressful to hear my parents fighting constantly. I was always worried about what was going to happen to me. The “Selection” Perspective is that all of these above circumstances negatively affect children’s well-being (Amato). I believe that sometimes it is best for the child and family to grow up in a single-parent household. For me it was best for me to grow up with my Mom, as my Dad is not the nicest of people.

For my project I created a survey with four questions. I created this survey on Survey Monkey and asked my Facebook friends to anonymously answer.

Here are the questions and answers I asked:

1.    Are you closer with your Mom or Dad & describe your relationship with both.

The majority of people I surveyed said they had a better relationship with their Mom. They said that they talk to their Mom on a daily basis while being in college. I also talk to my Mom every day and have a stronger relationship with her than I do with my Dad.

2.    Was it hard to go back and forth to each parent’s house when you were younger?

Most people who responded to this survey said that it was hard to go back and forth to each parent’s house when they were younger. I can agree with this one-hundred percent. When I was younger there were times when I did not want to leave my Mom’s house to go to my Dad’s. It was hard to go to my Dad’s on Christmas Eve and leave early Christmas morning to go to my Mom’s. Although this was difficult for me it was the best thing I could do. To this day I still celebrate Christmas Eve with my Dad and then go to my Mom’s on Christmas Day.

3.    Did others judge you because you were from a separated/divorced family?

13 out of 13 people that responded said that they never felt judged by anyone because their family was separated/divorced. No one ever judged me because I grew up with my Mom. I think it is important for people not to judge because this could happen to anyone.

4.    Did you ever have financial hardships when you were growing up?

The responses to this question were 50/50. Fifty percent of the respondents said that they were so poor that they needed food stamps. The other fifty percent said that they did not have any financial hardships. Growing up I never had any financial hardships. My Mom was always able to supply me with the things I needed. If she needed help financially my Step Dad, Grandma, or family would help.

Here is what my Mom had to say about mine and her relationship & how it was to raise me alone:

I will never forget the day Emily was born! It was October 21, 1992. It was a beautiful sunny Wednesday.   I had gone through quite a long labor and pushed for 2 hours.  I thought for sure I was having a boy but to my surprise I heard the nurse say "it's a girl!” I was so excited! My Emily Camille! Amidst all the joy, there was some uncertainty and fear within me.  I had this new little baby girl that I would be responsible for the rest of my life. I was a single parent at the time and I was very concerned as to if I would be able to financially provide for Emily. I was a nurse working in the Operating Room at the time, so I made decent money, but as a parent I wanted to be able to provide the best for Emily.   I wanted her to have all the opportunities that other children in two parent families had.

I have always been a very competitive, hard-working and ambitious individual, so I made a resolution to do everything possible so that Emily would grow into a loving, caring, ambitious, and hard-working young woman. I went back to school when Emily was 10 months old.  I worked full-time, was on the liver/kidney transplant team and was required to take lots of on call for the transplant team and went to school part -time.  It was tough but I stayed strong and graduated with my MBA from Xavier University! I was very proud that I could tell Emily when she got older that she could reach any goal if she put her mind to it. I also made sure that Emily was raised as a Catholic. I wanted her to value her religion and realize the importance of keeping religion and God in her life. I worked to instill in her the value and importance of education.

There were tough times, especially as a single parent, but thankfully I had a wonderful family that supported me, especially my own mom. So overall, I feel that I have done a good job in raising Emily! She has grown into a beautiful, strong willed, ambitious person. I am so proud of her. I still tell her NOT to make the same mistakes I have and pray every day that she will continue to grow and share her zest of life with everyone around her!

       

The Stereotype & the Single Mother

This article is about a women who is a single mother and how the stereotypes make her feel. "Single mother, I realized, was not just a descriptor, but a license for strangers to criticize my children, my prospects, my morals" (Banks). Growing up I do not think that my Mom ever felt criticized by anyone for being a single mother. Statistics say that children raised from single parents do worse in school and in life. I do not agree with this statement at all. So far I have not done poorly in school or life. All throughout high school I received honors & in college I have above a 3.0 GPA. Statistics are not always true. In this article it says that two good parents are better than one. This is completely true. It is better to have support, love, and care from two parents instead of one. The end of this article talks about how “a quarter of this country’s children are being raised by single mothers. They, and their moms, need support, not judgment" (Banks). More single mothers need support. They need support in order to be able to raise their children. It is difficult to raise children alone. I know growing up my Grandma had to help my Mom a lot. My Grandma is my second Mom. Without the support from my Mom and Grandma I do not know where I would be today. I am very lucky to have such an outstanding mother and grandmother.

References

Amato, Paul. "The Future of Children, Princeton - Brookings: Providing Research and Analysis

    to Promote Effective Policies and Programs for Children."  - The Future of Children -. Princeton- Brookings, 1 Jan. 2005. Web. 23 Apr. 2015           <http://futureofchildren.org/publications/journals/article/index.xml?    journalid=37&articleid=107§ionid=692- still need to MLA cite>.

Banks, Sandy. "The Stereotype and the Single Mother." Los Angeles Times. Los Angeles Times,

   30 Nov. 2012. Web. 23 Apr. 2015. <http://articles.latimes.com/2012/nov/30/local/la-me-banks-    
   singlemothers-20121201->.

Matacia-Huth, Angie. Personal interview. 25 April 2015.