Mutt: (noun) 1. A dog with parents of different
breeds
There is a
picture of a sunny day with man standing in the deserts of Turkey. He is tall,
in his late twenties, tan, handsome, and has big ears. This is the only picture
I have of my father; it sits on my dresser in my bedroom. There are days that I
look at that picture and wonder what kind of man he is, and what kind of woman I would have become if he had helped raised me.
When I was about 5 years old I remember asking my mother why I don’t have a
daddy like all of the other kids. Even though I was pretty lucky for having two mommies, I still got jealous of the
kids who had someone to call Dad. Being in the nineties, the military was not
accepting of homosexuals and our lives were lived inside the home and our
secret was not to be told. I remember my mom trying to explain to me when I
was young that I can’t go around and talk about my mommies and needed to
respect her privacy. I didn’t understand, I was told never to lie but yet my
entire life was a lie. Lies
upon lies would build up so that I got used to living in this fictional world. Being raised by lesbian mothers
has defined me in so many ways that I am still finding new characteristics
about myself that come from that specific root of my family tree.
“It isn’t what they say
about you, it’s what they whisper.” -
Errol Flynn
Even though we lived in the walls of our home,
the news of a gay couple with a child that had moved into town seemed to spread
like wildfire everywhere I went. I
remember going to school and not being invited to another girl’s birthday
party, later come to find out it was because my parents were gay. I hardly even knew this girl, but
in elementary school most children invited the whole class. I had neighbor
parents tell me that I can go to church with them to help save me from the
sins that I had no choice to live in. I remember playing tether ball with
another girl and when I got hit in the face and ended up with a bloody nose she
taunted me by saying in front of everyone “Why don’t you go get your guaaardian
angel to come save yooooou!” My “other” mommy was referred publically as my Legal
Guardian, which she was, but of course it was turned into a childish joke that
would send me home in tears. At a young age I was an outcast for something that I could not control. The negative
situations that I was put through due to being a child from a homosexual family
turned me into a tough, open-minded, and timid little girl.
Growing up
and always being teased for my family cause for me to grow a couple extra
layers of tough skin to reflect the
negative comments. I like to think that because of all of the nasty comments
and situations I have been put through that I can handle criticism very well.
When I was very young I would take the mean things that my classmates,
neighbors, and other people would say very personal. But due to having to keep
“mommy’s privacy”, I was unable to stand
up or fight back leading to the thick skin of my emotions as my barrier.
Learning to understand that everyone has
the right to their own opinions and that I can choose what I let bother me
was one of the hardest mentalities that I still continue to work on today. In the video “In My Shoes: Stories of Youth
with LGBT Parents” one of the young boys talked about how he had to change
schools because of being bullied. He said he would lie about his parents in order to avoid the comments from his
peers. This kind of fear of rejection takes and took a toll on each of the
children in this video. We have all been taunted, teased, questioned, and made
an outcast for the lives of our parents and each one of us are tough. There were many times that
people would say comments and my lips had to stay shut. Did they know that lesbians are raising me? Did they know that the people
they are saying are evil are the people who made my breakfast? That those people make me chicken noodle
soup when I am sick, pack my lunch on the days that the mystery meat is being
served, or kissing and tucking me into bed every night. No. Being on the
side where what is being said has offended me, I am open-minded to others feelings. I know what it is like to have my
life be judged and discriminated against. I am by no means perfect, and
sometimes there is no filter on my mouth, but I believe that with everything
that I have heard I am more mindful
in what I say because I don’t know what is going on in the lives of the people
around me. I don’t know if Bobby Joe’s parents were divorced yesterday or if
Suzy is struggling with an eating disorder, and my sneer comments might hurt
their feelings.
The way I
was raised to be an independent and loving individual has been one of the
most positive attributes that I have gained from growing up with lesbian
mothers. One of the many rude questions I have been asked by people is “So, which mom is the butch one?” Really?
Neither one of my mothers is the “butch” one. Just because they know how to
change a tire, use a tool set, and all other “manly” chores does not make
either one of them “butch”. I was raised to try and fix the broken chair,
change my car oil, and
not depend on others for simple fixes and repairs that can do by myself.
The word independent in our
household was utilized and tested constantly. Being in a household with the
lack of “manliness”, has provided me
with the skills that not many little girls can say they have. I remember when I
first started dating my boyfriend; he was
surprised by how “handy” I was. I didn’t rely on him to fix my dresser or
pump air in my tires. He didn’t have to show me show to use a hammer correctly.
The independence that I gained from
learning how to take care of myself from my parents is one of my
characteristics that I value the most.
With all of
the hate that my parents have been put through, they have so much love to give. I remember when I was 8 years old I got my
first dog. My mom took me to the dog store and said I can choose whatever dog I wanted. So of course I
went to the cute Golden Retriever puppy and wanted that one. But when my mother
said “You can choose whatever dog you want”. She meant, “I will give you two
options to choose from.” There was two little Lhasa Apsos I could choose from.
One was white and mean; it would not stop biting on the smaller black one. I
choose to take the black one and play with it. She was black and white with about 3 sets of teeth on a jaw that was
pushed out. Needless to say she wasn’t the prettiest puppy. But she
loved to play and jump. I feel in love with her. When we decided she was the one we took her
to the front desk but the desk clerk told my mom that this puppy was discounted
because she had a health issue. It
turns out that this puppy had a heart
murmur, and was only expected to live for about 2 years. I remember my mom
looking at me and asking if I still wanted her even though she won’t be able to
be apart of our family for long. My mom told me that I replied with “Its okay, I still love her.” Patches was ugly, had a princess mentality,
and had a lot of health issues but she ended up living for 13 years. My parents
raised me to love no matter what. It doesn’t matter is someone is tall or
short, fat or skinny, or black and white give love to others like I would want
them for me. I learned from them to “kill
people with kindness”. There is no need to be hateful to others, even if
they are hateful to you.
Zach Wahls
is a young man from Iowa who was raised by two lesbian mothers. In his speech
to Iowa House of Representatives, he talks about how just because he comes from
a homosexual family it does not define
his character as an individual. One of the many arguments against gay
marriage is that the children being raised in these homes aren’t going to be “normal”. I remember in high school
sitting in class and a teacher talked about same sex marriage and the effect on
children. Unfortunately he was putting his on views on the class, and the town
I lived in happened to be mostly of Republicans. I had to sit and listen to my classmates say how
f***** up I was and all of the children out there like me. Of course, I
couldn’t stand up for myself because of the fear of outing my parents. Did any
of them know that I am one of those kids? No. They have heard rumors, but my
expert lies had them all deceived. Zach Wahls states in his speech “…not once have I ever been confronted by
an individual who realized independently that I was raised by a gay couple, and
you know why? Because the sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect
on my content of my character.”
Being 21
years old now, I can say that I have fortunately
watched society’s view on homosexuals and same sex marriage change throughout
the years. Team Angelica Films produced a short film about kids from gay
families, the camera crew interviews several children about themselves and
their families. They start out asking each of them where they live, what they
want to do when they grow up, and what would they change about the world. Then
they ask them about their families. One little boy comes from a family of a man
and a woman, and several of the others are from homosexual families. The last
question the crew asks the children is “Do
you think your family is unusual? All of them answer no. If this was filmed ten years ago and I
was being asked that question, I would
have answered yes. I am beyond thankful for the direction that view on
homosexual families is going.
The
experiences that I have been put through define me. It is not the sexual
orientation of my parents that have affected my content of my character, it is how I was bullied, treated, and told
that I was a “sin” baby. I would not
change the way I grew up; I love my parents and everything that they have
taught and raised me to be.
I
am….
Tough.
Open-minded.
Timid.
Independent.
Loving.
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